Neither party is immune from nervousness and fear at this first meeting. Whether it’s in the hospital room or at McDonald’s, I’ve seen confident birth parents and adoptive parents revert into a childlike state of “what if they don’t like me?”
This meeting initially is filled with nervous laughter and small talk; both parties may beat around the bush as to why they are together in this moment. Time and time again, we see the walls come down as a small gesture or a kind word reminds the birthparents and the adoptive parents that this meeting is about hope and love.
The birthmother wants to know that this child will be loved and cared for their whole lives: that they will be encouraged, have opportunities, be challenged to follow their dreams, and get to experience life to the full.
The adoptive family wants to know that the birthmother is certain: certain that making the adoption plan is the right choice, certain that they are the right family, certain that their prayers, hopes, and dreams for this child will come to fruition.
It is nerve-wracking to meet, we will not sugar coat the fact that whether you’re a birth parent or an adoptive parent you have a million and one questions about this meeting and what to say, what to do, how to dress, how to act, the list goes on. But to get to be a fly on the wall in these meetings is a sweet thing…we get to be a witness to the redemption that God has hardwired into adoption.
Redemption from infertility. Redemption from unplanned pregnancy. Redemption from miscarriages. Redemption from broken homes. Redemption from addiction. Redemption from failed fertility treatments. Redemption from sickness. Redemption from the grief, loss, guilt, and baggage that birthparents and adoptive parents feel before they walk into this meeting.
Just as God redeems us as we are adopted as his children and become brothers and sisters with Christ, we see broken situations redeemed as these parties talk, dream, pray for this adoption and life of this child.
“He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.”