We applied to Adoption by Shepherd care in October of 2013. From there we were put on the waiting list. This is kind of where you stay for a few months until you become actively waiting. ‘Actively waiting’ means that your profile can be shown to prospective birthmothers. We started to actively wait on January 22, 2014.
Up until this point, we had been so busy getting all of our paperwork in order that time seemed to go by quite quickly. We had hosted a few fundraisers as well to help us pay for the adoption. But when the time came that we literally had to just wait, I don’t think anyone could prepare us for that.
Waiting with no end date in sight is hard. Some days it feels really hopeless. It feels like you are stuck in a land of limbo and that everyone has forgotten about you. Mother’s days would come and go and my arms would still be empty. We would have to update our clearances (police checks, home study, etc) every year, and every year it was like “nothing has changed, we still want to be parents”.
Friends would continue to add children to their families with ease; people would continue to ask when we would be getting a baby. And our answer would still be “I don’t know, hopefully soon”.
I would go through weeks of doing well and weeks of doing not well. Majority of the time it felt like we were standing still, while the rest of the world was still racing in circles around us. That feeling of being stuck in one place is really difficult. I would go to email the agency to ask where we were on the list, only to see that it had only been a week since I had last asked for an update. We spent a lot of time praying that time would speed up. Our hearts and arms ached every single day to love and hold a child. No words can describe the pain of waiting. We were very open in our adoption process with the people around us, so we were blessed in that we had so many people that knew of our struggles and loved us through it. That love is what really helped us get through the horrible wait.
But our wait was about to end….