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Journey of a Birthmother

“God has a design, a purpose, and a plan for you before you even knew who you were.”

Those words helped make the adoption decision a lot easier.

Never in a million years did I ever think I would be put in a position to have to put one of my children up for adoption. Unfortunately things happen in life that you can’t control and I found myself pregnant and I could not raise another child.

Making the adoption decision was not easy, I went through a lot–asking God for help, asking my church for help– not knowing what to do and feeling alone at times or feeling like I was making the wrong decision.

After a few months of thinking about if I could raise another child I asked myself, “Would I be able to do it?” and “how are my kids going to be affected, how’s my family going to feel?” I made the decision that adoption would be the best option for my family and for this child.

I called Shepherd Care to see exactly how adoption works and how they would be able to help me find a family. They were very informative, loving, kind, and so understanding about all that I was going through.  They ensured me that everything was going to be ok. After speaking with Shepherd Care on the phone, about a week later I met with the most wonderful person in the world, Nidia, and from that day my whole life changed.

I never felt more at peace and more confident about placing my child for adoption than after speaking with Nidia. She assured me that my child is going to be taken care of and that the decision of me placing my child up for adoption was not because I didn’t want her but that I loved her so much that I was willing to let a family who was able to raise and provide for her be a part of her life.

After many meetings with Nidia I received a package in the mail from Shepherd Care with a few family profiles; getting this package was very emotional. I was happy and excited yet scared and nervous. I didn’t know how to pick a family but after looking through some family profiles I knew who I was going to pick. Something about this family really got my attention but most of all my heart. They had the cutest little boy and I wanted the baby to have a brother or sister. Once I prayed about the family and asked my church and pastor to pray I got the greatest news ever: the family I chose wanted the baby.

After talking with Nidia to process and confirm everything I was feeling great! I knew my baby was going to be loved and taken care of. I knew that this family wanted a baby so bad they would make sure this baby was going to be loved.

I was finally able to Skype with the family and it was amazing! I loved every second of talking with them. It made me feel so great. They were perfect. I knew God had plans for this baby and that I was always supposed to get pregnant. God knew this family needed this baby to complete their family. I was glad to be such a big part of that.

I had expressed my plan with Nidia. I had told her I wanted this family to be as much a part of this pregnancy as possible. I wanted them here for my delivery; I had to have a c-section so I could give them a date and everything!

When the baby came, I was feeling a lot of different emotions but I wanted the first hug, kiss, and heartbeat the baby heard and felt to be with the baby’s new Mom and Dad. After speaking with the family a few days later they said they would be there which made me feel amazing! Little did I know that I would be seeing them way before we had planned.

4lbs 2oz 21 inches long the most beautiful baby was born. Only 34 weeks, but came like a trooper. After talking to Heidi (another adoption counselor ) I decided I should see the baby. I knew in my heart that this baby was a special gift and blessing, not for me but for this family.

She was so tiny and beautiful, just perfect. As I held her the nervousness was gone. I felt so happy. I told her how much I loved her and how her new mommy and daddy were on their way. How much they couldn’t wait to see her. How she was going to have a big brother. It made me feel so much better letting her know that I will always be here and telling her how much I loved her. Something about just spending time with her made me feel so much better. All those feelings that I was worried about were gone. I felt joyful and excited and happy about the life she was going to have.

The next day the family was coming to see their new bundle of joy. I have read over and over how weird it is to meet the adoptive parents for the first time but I wanted them right there. The knock on the door came and there was mom dad and big brother. It was like love at first sight. I was so happy to finally see them and I couldn’t wait for them to see her. We chatted for a while and it was just perfect. I loved them. I had peace. They were instantly in love with her, what more could I have asked for?

Before I went through the process of adoption I thought it was going to be completely different. I know that a lot of people go through different emotions, but in my experience I feel if you are at peace with your decision and  peace with the family that you choose and feel comfortable with the agency and the counselors that you work with you shouldn’t feel sad about giving your child a better life than you could give that child.

Adoption is one of the most unselfish things that you can do for your child and for the family you choose. If you’re thinking about it for your child because of your situation, remember to keep a few things in mind when your family tells you not to do it. Are they going to help? Are they willing to watch your child while you get a job? Are they willing to help you get to and from the doctor’s office? Buying a pack of pampers or a cute outfit isn’t helping. A lot of family member don’t know how adoption works, they hear the word adoption and for some reason think bad thoughts. At the end of the day if they love you and want what’s best for you they will support your decision. They will take the time to ask questions and get information about how it really works.

Look at this as a blessing you’re giving this family. Think about it as gaining more people to add to your own family. You will always be that child’s birthmother no matter what. My baby is loved and well cared for. My adoptive mom and I keep in contact and I get updates from them; we have a great relationship, I couldn’t ask for a better experience.

Thank you for letting me share my story, I hope this helps other birthmoms going through this beautiful process.

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